he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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