come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
