i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
