he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
