Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
