So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
