Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
