I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
