I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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