Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
