Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
