Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
