Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
