her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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