summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
