Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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