You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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