Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
