now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
we're so committed to being not committed
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