I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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