yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
