yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
