There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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