HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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