hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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