Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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