i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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