I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
