youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
