He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
