I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
