Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
