I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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