He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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