god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
