you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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