Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
