Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
