you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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