the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
