My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
