trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do vagina's smell?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
