I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
