I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
