U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Someone came in the potted fern
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
