I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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