JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
