After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
