woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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