i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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