I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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