You're so nebulous sometimes
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
